If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
