the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
