did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
