Are we in a gay sports bar?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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