someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
