i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
