I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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