Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
