I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
