Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
