sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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