Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
