She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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