GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
