My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
