i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
