It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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