he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
