As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
