i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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