Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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