capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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