I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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