I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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