not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
