Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
