She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
