The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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