Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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