I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
