I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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