I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
