I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
