Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
