is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He kissed a someone with a penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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