Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
