i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much