I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.