I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.