The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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