Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
