Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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