So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
