Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
