Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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