you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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