He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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