Joe is yelling at the trees again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
