just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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