she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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