the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the liver wants what the liver wants
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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