And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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