You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
