Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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