She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
