Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
