omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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