a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize