normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
