You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
