just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was CRYING into my vagina
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
