So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
