Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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