Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
