wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
