found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
