Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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