AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
