i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
