he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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