I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
