I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
is it fun? or sober?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
