Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
