i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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