Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
