M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
