ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
