saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
