Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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