I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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