Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
