we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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