I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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