So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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