Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
