there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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