I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
