my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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