The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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