i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
