i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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