The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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