my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
