Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
