I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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