I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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